


till the sun brings me home

by moonkoo



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Donghyuck centric, Lots of Symbolism, M/M, Minor Character Death, circus AU, donghyuck walks the rope, kinda sad (not really)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-05-24
Packaged: 2020-03-13 21:56:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,220
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18949429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonkoo/pseuds/moonkoo
Summary: he paints the way mark’s skin glows golden under the beams of warm light, and in those exact moments, there is not a single poisonous thought purging donghyuck’s mind, because in those exact moments, mark shines in a way that is more magnificent than that of the sun in the sky.





	till the sun brings me home

**Author's Note:**

> so i originally wrote this as a short story for my creative writing class, and everyone at workshop really liked it, so i decided to rewrite it but with markhyuck because why not :D

_yes i’m leaving till the sun brings me home,_

_till i’m no longer lost, just free to roam,_

_and in this life may i never be alone,_

‘ _cause i’ll be going till the sun brings me home._

*

donghyuck inhales deeply before taking a step, seizes the breath within and doesn’t let it flutter. the rope is rough beneath his feet and his hands expand widely like the wings of a crow, ready to take flight as soon as his legs give out under the weight of his body. it’s a lot- clouds gliding slowly across the infinite stretch of the sky above the line, ghosts of footsteps on the grass bellow it; songs of unknown birds, ghosts of flames disappearing along with the night, the faint tinge of metal at the back of his throat- and yet, it all disappears as he steps forward, and all that exists, are two worlds and he who has found solace somewhere in between.

the rope sways and donghyuck balls his hands into fists, catches his breath before it escapes into the night. his gaze finds solace in the pale moon, trails along the soft edges of it’s being. the moon moves without hurry, to the beat of it’s own melody, and donghyuck’s fingers itch for something real to wrap around, because the moonlight slips from his grasp, slowly filling the world around, and he lets go of the breath hidden in his chest that has unknowingly begun to burn. “ _please-_ ”

the words disappear into the air before donghyuck can catch and hide them, and all that is left to do, is to watch the night’s moon, and hope it will listen.

somewhere between an inhale and exhale, he gets an answer, and the drawn line between these two worlds straightens. a spoken promise not in words, but in the clear sky and the thousands of stars, each brighter than the one before; it reaches only his ears, sounds in a language only he understands- a secret for no one else to know. a conversation between the moon, and a boy that exists not quite above, but not quite below- exactly between these two worlds, keeping them together and in balance.

familiar voices sound as a warning and reminder for the things promised, and donghyuck’s feet find the coolness of the ground where the warmth of the sky was seconds before.

“hyuck, here you are!” hands cup the boy’s face, caress it softer than the wind in the sky, and brown eyes find his own, gaze warmer than sunshine could ever be. “woke up to see you gone, and got worried. thought you-”

“my apologies. i didn’t want to worry you.”

“it’s okay.” mark reassures, voice smooth and careful as if donghyuck were still up on the rope. “i figured you wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye.”

donghyuck opens his mouth to excuse or reassure, unsure which one before the words bubble up his throat; but he doesn’t have to worry, because mark speaks first, steadies donghyuck before he can fall. “we should get back before your father senses your absence, and wakes up the entire circus.”

“he is an illusionist, not a wizard, you know.”

“i know.” mark cocks his head to the side, eyes shining, moonlight illuminating one side of his face, and casting soft shadows over the other, and donghyuck finds him quite pretty. “but the lack of your presence is much easier to notice than you might think.”

“must be my snoring, then.”

mark’s lips curl up in a smile so bright, donghyuck begins to believe another moon exists, besides the one hung up in the night’s sky.

“most definitely.”

*

his feet are freezing, but the rope burns.

there are moments between days and nights, when, existing in a world with everyone else, donghyuck desperately wants to close his eyes and disappear somewhere real, and not exist between two worlds: not quite in one, not quite in the other. but he was lifted onto this line, when the moon was still shining bright, and now no one’s offering a hand to help him back down, even if the moon has set long ago.

“you can’t let him up on the rope.”

there’s a chuckle from inside the tent, though it’s humorless. “and what else would you suggest, huh, boy? to cancel the whole show?”

donghyuck closes his eyes, inhales all the night has to offer. 

he paints the picture of mark behind his eyelids, every stroke of an imaginary paintbrush somehow a muscle memory. donghyuck paints his eyes and the way they shine whenever he watches the sun set, both of their bodies close, but never close enough, feet bare in the sand. he paints the way mark’s skin glows golden under the beams of warm light, and in those exact moments, there is not a single poisonous thought purging donghyuck’s mind, because in those exact moments, mark shines in a way that is more magnificent than that of the sun in the sky. 

“cut his performance from the show.”

“i can’t! he’s the best we’ve got!”

“that’s exactly why i’m not losing him!”

donghyuck paints everything that is not the mark inside that tent, because that mark is dangerous, and  donghyuck already fears one too many things.

“we won’t lose him-”

“ _you said the same about taeil!_ ”

do nghyuck snaps his eyes open, gaze finding it’s purchase in the moon above.  it’s pretty. always  has been. 

a magnificent view of something so high up in the sky, for a boy so low on the ground. always has been.

the rope wavers and donghyuck’s face hits the ground under, pain exploding through his  skull , but it seems almost dull compared to the ache in his very being, and a sob escapes past his lips,  making it’s way  into the night; only for the moon to hear and  only for the moon to  keep. 

*

it’s dark outside; donghyuck doesn’t see it, but he knows. t he entrance that leads to the tent is covered with a heavy duvet, and all that exists, is just the two of them, and the faint flame that cackles back to life once every three heartbeats. somewhere beyond the light fabrics, the first true breath of the  day can be felt, as it rustles and quietly envelops everything that had been before, until,  lifting your gaze up,  the  stars have been replaced with sunshine. 

donghyuck closes his eyes, hides in a world within a world, because one can hide only from who is truly searching, and it’s hard to find if there is no clear view of where to go.

somewhere between an inhale and exhale, soft hands touch his face.

“chin up.”

donghyuck obeys, doesn’t know how to do otherwise. m ark takes his chin between his thumb and forefinger, and tilts it up- his touch gentle, almost nonexistent. t hough, when the alcohol touches his split lip, donghyuck shivers, but as a leaf would in a storm, because he has someone to hold onto. 

donghyuck opens his eyes a little, in a way that makes his lashes cast shadows onto his cheeks, as if protecting from what could lurk beyond. but, still, all that donghyuck sees, are soft hands caressing his cheeks, and warm eyes looking- not searching, letting the boy do it himself. mark’s lips barely move,  and donghyuck feels the breath against his chin. “a re you scared?”

donghyuck shouldn’t have to look for an answer- it sits in the middle of his fist, and all that is left to do, is to simply relax his fingers- but he closes his eyes and hides. “are  _you_ ?”

behind closed eyelids, somewhere in a different world, mark smiles a sad smile. donghyuck doesn’t see, but donghyuck feels- how mark's thumb stops tracing circles on the apple of his cheek, and how a shaky breath hits the side of his neck. d onghyuck doesn’t see, but donghyuck knows. 

“i am.”

donghyuck opens his eyes, their gazes meeting, and finds the answer,  doesn’t let it escape,  though,  and instead,  clenches his fist tighter, hiding it from  a pair of kind eyes. 

“don’t be.” he shakes his head, fingers clenching the sheets. “you shouldn’t be scared.”

mark smiles, but his eyes remain dull. h e puts the alcohol bottle on the ground with a soft thud, wraps his arms around himself, and in this exact moment, donghyuck wants to  do nothing more than to reach out and trace the outline of mark’s being with the tips of his fingers, bury his face in the crook of mark’s neck and whisper  the words he needs to hear in a warm breath so it seeps right into his skin and his soul. h e wants to be the caress and embrace that mark needs and deserves. 

but he is not. 

“it will be bad if we’re both scared.” donghyuck tries again, doesn’t know how to form into words something that he can barely understand in his own thoughts. he needs mark to know that, if one side of the rope will be a perfect mirror of the other, it will snap. “i can\- i can be afraid. for you.”

mark wipes a tear away before it falls.

“but you need to promise that you won’t be afraid for me.” donghyuck breathes in after a beat of silence. “mark?”

mark straightens his back, cheeks shiny from tears, and donghyuck’s core, his heart, his whole being _aches_.

“i promise.”

“okay.” donghyuck closes his eyes, voice wavering. “i do, too.”

*

sometime between the second day and the third night, donghyuck finds himself with his legs underwater, and his head above it.

the sea is calm and faintly red, where it’s enveloped by the dying light of the sun. the sky is painted in many shades of pink, like cherry blossoms back home, and pale stars shine under. the ground disappears under the water as if it never was, but it doesn’t matter, because donghyuck feels it under his feet just as he feels the rope connecting day and night- sun and moon.

he closes his eyes and feels the red light of the sun behind his eyelids as a reminder of his existance in other’s worlds, not just his own.

it’s easy to live in a world like this, because all that exists, is darkness.

if donghyuck were to spread his arms, he would once again be a boy forced above, not knowing how to get back down from the line between two worlds, where the sky is easier to reach than the ground, and where the moon never sets, because there’s place for only one sun in the day’s sky.

he fills his lungs with a sharp breath and disappears under- under the sky and it’s stars, under the sea and it’s waves, under the ground where the sun sleeps at night. it’s dark, where heavy lids and dark lashes cover his eyes; quiet where shaking hands cover his ears. the inhale in his chest is his own, just as the exhale that will follow, will be, and donghyuck lifts his feet away from the ground, away from the line, away from the world that will lose it’s balance without him, until all that exists, is the steady heartbeat of a young boy in the otherwise silent sea.

and still, when donghyuck comes up from everything under, and breathes in so deeply, it burns, he finds the world as same as it was before- before the sea enveloped him, before the cherry blossoms withered, before the line was drawn, before the moon set for the very last time.

if he lets go, life won’t fall apart, because he existed in two worlds: his own, and everybody else’s.

two worlds that were never meant to collide- like sky and ground, like above and under, like day and night, like sun and moon; and it didn’t matter to search for answers in everyone else, if they had already been found inside oneself.

because in the end, everything had to be in balance.

*

“c _ircus of sun and moon.” the boy repeated under his breath and then, louder: “will i, too, be able to walk like taeil-hyung someday?”_

“ _your time will come, my child.” father leaned closer, a small smile on his lips._

“ _when?”_

_father smiled, and this time it was true- in the way his eyes crinkled up at the corners and his lips split open to show white teeth._

“ _the world has to follow specific rules, my child. for one-” donghyuck’s eyes followed father’s hand, where it was pointing at a long rope stretched along the wide sky. “-the moon has to set, for the sun to truly shine.”_

 

_*_

it’s morning when donghyuck steps foot onto the sand, puts the dry jacket onto his shoulders with shaking hands, and runs. the sun shines bright above his head, and for the first time in his life, donghyuck doesn’t let his gaze waver, because as soon as his eyes fall shut, it will disappear.

he doesn’t have to go far though, because somewhere between two worlds, they meet.

somewhere, in a different world donghyuck wonders what deeds he had completed in his life before this one, for the universe to grant him mark- someone who feels the depths of donghyuck’s heart though the mirror his eyes provide, and someone who knows every crevice and curve of donghyuck’s being, despite never truly being allowed to touch. mark who’s all bright eyes and even brighter smiles, and warm hands guided by want and need and something that churns at the pit of your stomach, slowly burning away. donghyuck blinks, a shuddering breath escaping upon the realization that even in his own world, with eyes squeezed shut, donghyuck would be able to paint every detail that made mark be, until there was no way to tell the two versions apart.

_leave_ _..._

a part of him whispers, and scratches it’s nails across the inside of his skull.

_he’ll always exist in your world._

it’s true. donghyuck knew mark like he knew to walk the rope- what pace to move at, and what step will set him toppling over the edge. he could lead a life with the image of mark burned into the back of his head, appearing every time his eyes fell shut.

_he’s better off without you._

but mark was so much more than a picture perfect image. he was loud laughs and fleeting touches, and quiet whispers into the night. he was warm breath against donghyuck's cheek, and calloused hands, and eyes so bright, they held half of the universe’s stars; and a smile so warm, the moon in the sky peers down to witness an eclipse.

_the moon has to set for the sun to truly shine._

it’s the poisonous part of him. the same part that leaves his chest aching and fingertips burning whenever the rope sways under his feet. but mark had his hand out for donghyuck the whole time, and all donghyuck had to do, was to open his eyes, and take it.

“mark-” donghyuck begins, but doesn’t know how to end, has never reached the other side of the rope.

he doesn’t need to, though, because familiar hands embrace him, and all the exists in donghyuck’s world, is just the two of them. mark is there to steady him. always. 

“please,” donghyuck’s voice shakes, “i want to leave.”

mark’s hands draw away from where they had been gently placed on his back, the warmth of his breath no longer felt at the side of donghyuck’s neck. then, mark steps away, and they are no longer two worlds in one.

“i put your belongings in a bag,” he whispers, “you need to leave before someone notices you’re gone.”

the realization fills his lungs with a fire that’s gone too soon, leaving only ashes and short breaths behind. mark holds out a satchel for donghyuck to take, and his hands shake under the gaze of the morning sun.

donghyuck has reached the end of the rope. there is no other way to go.

mark’s eyes don’t leave the ground. “you might be able to catch a train if you leave now.”

donghyuck aches to speak, to touch, to feel, to _be_ , and yet, all he can manage is a small exhale that gets stuck in his throat, panic filling up his insides and letting them rot.

“hyuck you need to leave now-”

“come with me.”

it escapes in a breath, barely audible; but he knows mark heard it, because his eyes find donghyuck’s in a beat of a heart, and there’s no use of hiding anymore.

he takes a step forward, core shaking when mark doesn’t step back, doesn’t dare close his eyes in fear of getting lost in a world where he’s truly alone. 

“please, i-” mark’s hand cups his cheek when the words choke him, gentle thumb caressing the tender skin- a reminder that he’s there to steady him. always. “i don’t want to be alone.”

m ark smiles. it’s small and private, and with the morning sun painting his face warm shades of yellow, donghyuck is certain, that mark’s the prettiest boy he’s ever seen. 

“you’ve never been alone.”

m ark’s looking at him with eyes so soft, and holds him with hands so gentle, that, when the rope sways under his feet, donghyuck jumps, because he knows mark will be there to catch him.  a lways. 

donghyuck meets mark’s lips in the middle, eyes slipping shut, and all that exists in his world is mark and the way his lips slot so perfectly with his own. it’s slow at first- the realization of it seeping into his already drenched skin and leaving his insides dripping with warm honey. the feeling of letting his feet touch the ground after walking the line between two worlds for so long, this time for real, is nearly overwhelming, and donghyuck has to fist his hands into the front of mark’s shirt to keep his knees from buckling. something inside him unhinges and finally lets loose. 

donghyuck kisses like the world begins and ends with mark’s mouth. 

and maybe now it does.

somewhere between the moment of two worlds merging, they pull away. d onghyuck rests his forehead against mark’s. 

“come with me.”

“okay.” mark replies, and his face splits up in a grin, and donghyuck doesn’t think he’s ever seen him happier.

donghyuck moves away, only an inch, only to brush the hair out of mark’s eyes. “do you have everything you need?”

their gazes meet and mark’s eyes shine like the stars in the night’s sky, warm and unwavering.

“i do.”

*

_“ you know, i think your father was wrong.”_

_ donghyuck turns his head towards the elder, their knees touching where they lay on the grass, watching the stars. “what do you mean?” _

_“ the sun and moon can’t exist without each other,” taeil begins, “if you look closely, you can always spot the moon somewhere in the sky during the day.”_

_“i guess. ” donghyuck draws his brows together. “but how about the night?”_

_“ ah, my dear.” taeil smiles a bright smile, eyes shining. “ in this world, the moon can’t even shine without the sun.”_

**Author's Note:**

> find me on twt @ sunhyuc so we can be friends!!


End file.
